What is holding us back from the life that we want?
What is the life that we want exactly?
Off the top of our heads, can we even define what success really means to us?
Picture this, one person walks down the road and sees trash, crowds, bad smells, danger and risk. Another person walks down that same road at the same time, and smiles at the warm sunshine, enjoys the collective energy of the crowd, smells a bakery nearby, and is excited at the opportunity of a good day. Which person is going to have a better day? If we are looking for the bad things, we will find them! If we are looking for the beauty, we will find it. We have to shift our focus to the positive, the appreciation for the good things. We have to start living our lives as if we are already our best future-selves.
Now, there is a balance that I feel is extremely important. We do not want to neglect our feelings. We do not want to glaze over mental health, or psychiatric or psychological help. Do those things. There is no shame in a biochemical imbalance that can be corrected with modern medicine. Furthermore, we also do not want to lie to ourselves and say some positive things that we really aren’t believing in. We need to be honest to ourselves, without being cynical. It is a balancing act, where extremes are debilitating.
Okay how do we do it? First we have to identify what it is we really value? What do we want out of this one precious life of ours? My suggestion? Start with creative inspiration.
- Free write in a journal about your most ideal life. This life should be one where money, confidence, or a perceived lack of love do not hold us back in any way.
- Make a mind map of your values (see above)
- Start a daily journal where you document what you did, ate, etc. and how you felt overall
- Hire a lifecoach to help you tease this out
Think of this – someone walks into a restaurant wanting a hamburger. They are asked how they want it cooked and they have no idea. They just want a “good” burger, but have absolutely no definition for what that means to them. They receive their burger and it is well done, and they think it is disgusting, it was not what they wanted at all. Now that they experienced this, they have narrowed down what it is they want to ask for, to get what it is they actually want. We must figure out, in detail, of what we want. Don’t just settle for any burnt burger because doing that level of analysis is difficult. We only have this one life, and we certainly can’t make the most of it if we do not know what we define as “good”.
Once we figure out our values, what we want out of this life, we have to figure out what is holding us back? We have to dig down deep and really unpack it here. Consult outside opinions. We do not know that we do not know what we don’t know. Complex way of saying, we cannot think that we have a fully objective opinion of ourselves. There are three sides to every story, and we only know 1/3 of ours. We are blinded by our shame, our regret, our animosity, our insecurity, even our confidence. We need outside opinion. Friends, colleagues, family, a life coach, a therapist, a boss. Vulnerably ask for feedback. We can’t grow if we can’t see that we are blindfolding ourselves.
Once we know what we want, we know what our values are, we know what is holding us back. Well, then the fun part begins! We begin to unlearn habits that no longer serve us. We set goals, we push the envelope, we strive valiantly ahead. It won’t be comfortable, at all. But if we are comfortable, we are not growing. We are worth a beautiful, courageous, inspired life. We are worth the discomfort and vigilance it takes to break out into the unknown. Forge forward my friends.
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