Success is typically defined as reaching a certain goal figure in our bank accounts or salary. Maybe it is buying a house, or getting married to some of us. However, if we think more widely, are those really all we want for our lives? Some task achieved will not bring us happiness. Once we achieve one goal, it simply sets us up for more. We absolutely need to re-frame our definition of success.
If any of us were lucky enough to have a post-partum doula, there was a lovely thing I learned. After my very unexpected emergency C-section, which had me mostly sure one of us were not going to make it, I was pretty incapable of moving much. I had a lovely doula, who told me that maybe the goal for today is just to get a shower. If I was able to do that, then she assured me that it was a good day. I felt so much relief from that. I didn’t have to cook or do laundry or be productive in any capacity. It really relieved all pressure for me to push through and “get back to my life”. I learned, temporarily, to unapologetically take rest. Why on earth does it take me almost dying to allow myself to take a break without guilt? It has been four years, but I remember her gentle nurturing words quite often. The compassionate way she spoke to me, was the way I envisage future goals of speaking to myself.
My point is, doula’s are amazing and everyone should have been as lucky as I was. AND – we need to care for ourselves, which starts with trashing our definition of success. Trash, stomp on it, tell it snarkily that it is obnoxious and impractical. Then, start fresh!
Let’s discuss what we all think of success? Comment below. I’ll start.
Success should be defined as fulfilling our potential. It is not any certain task, nor the number of things we complete, nor the hours we work in a week, not even the number of dollars in our account. Success should be about using our unique skills, experiences, passion and education to improve the lives of others (and ourselves!). If we are walking around like ghosts, just vacantly moaning our way through the days, then we are not fulfilling our potential. If we are using our passion in our lives, then WOW! That is better than some superficial goal that won’t fulfill us! Congratulations!
For those of us who haven’t quite figured out how to get to that point, I have some tips!
- Read “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron: She is intensely articulate, gives detailed tactical advice for every week, and succinctly explains such a clear rationale that you are motivated to do it all! (That says a lot coming from me, because I typically do not want to be told exactly what I need to do)
- Julia Cameron is absolutely right when she says that we absolutely must free-write three pages every single day. I am constantly thinking “I have to do my pages! Otherwise I’ll have no room for innovative thoughts in the clutter of my mind!”
- It really is that critical no matter what we are trying to create, or even imagine creating!
- Imagine our minds are the most gorgeous blue water we have ever seen. Simply awe-inspiring! BUT, there are some pieces of trash left behind, completely ruining our view. If ONLY there was some way to get rid of that trash and get back to devoting our admiration to the breathtaking water that is right within our reach. Well, consider free-writing 3 pages every day that trash removal. Completely essential.
3. Consider what we are really good at? What do we really enjoy doing? What do other people need, that we could help provide? What do we really want out of life? Then just pay attention, for how some of those things are already present in our lives!!
4. What are small things we could do today realistically, towards feeling fulfilled? Once we do that, are we not successful?? Tell me.
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